Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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