Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
