she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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