rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
