He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a beard to bite.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize