eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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