im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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