You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
