hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
