It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
