so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
