I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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