i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
