Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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