Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
