Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
