Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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