You're completely useless in the revolution.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
