My room smells like vodka and shame
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
