a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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