omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
