Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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