i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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