I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
