I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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