How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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