sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
only you would photoshop your dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's official drugs can't kill me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
