I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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