just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
