Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
