Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am available for nakedness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
