is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
