His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She needs sedatives and a leash
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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