Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at about main and main street
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
