In the future we'll all be gay
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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