I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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