she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
