What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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