I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
