Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
