I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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