After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
