I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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