I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pants are for mortals
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
