so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
