I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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