Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
