hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
