When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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