drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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