dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
