Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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