is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
