She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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