White coat. Heels.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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