Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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