this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
