Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
