would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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