Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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