I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
