Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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