Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
