somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
