I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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