DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
