You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
