There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk is not a location!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
