i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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