John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
