Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
