Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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