He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This baby is an asshole
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
