So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
