I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
