Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize