she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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