I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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