I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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