I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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