Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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