I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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