We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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