i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My life is pants optional.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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