I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm eating all of the evidence.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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