I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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