I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
