You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
