Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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