her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
