I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
