I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
